Contributions of women

I've been reading a number of articles lately about the role of women in society. This one in particular has my blood boiling. I haven't fully articulated my myriad thoughts about why this rankles me, but bear with me here as I go through some of the things rattling through my brain.

Everyone seems to have an opinion about whether women should stay home and be mothers and wives or join the working world, stay single, and make a contribution to society. It's an interesting dilemma, but before it can be addressed, I think there are some other considerations that deserve treatment as well. First of all, I shudder to think that the whole gender can be so neatly divided into those three categories. What about those of us who are married and stay home, or single and have babies and work? And what about those who still strive to "have it all?" Each woman's situation is different, and to base all our incredible value on where we fit in the three "all-encompassing" categories of "staying home vs. working," "married vs. single," and "childless vs. child-haver" is utterly ridiculous. 

So what defines the value of a woman? Is it her level of education, her contribution to the lives of her family and friends, her work output, her dress size or skin or hair color, or the number of babies she's had? Or is it in the nuances of some of those things, like the charity work a woman does because of an illness that touched someone close to her, or the passion for being a talented homemaker that drove her to invent an amazing line of innovative accessories?

I think we make many assumptions about women because we are too busy, too careless, or too embarrassed to ask the people around us why they've made their life choices. Judgement and broad-brushed categorizations are so much simpler than taking the time to understand others. (And most often, the harshest judgments on women come from other women. I've fallen into this trap, too, and it makes me sick.) It has become so easy to shove women into a box, or several categories.  There is no room for subtle nuance! You're either a selfish, career-obsessed bitch or you're a lazy stay-at-home mother; you can be nothing else. And no matter which category you fall into, prepare to be judged. Because loud judgments drown out the whispering truth people haven't the time to discern.

Along that line, I dare anyone to look a stay-at-home mother with a handful of young children in the eye and tell her that she is not contributing to society, and that she has no value. And if you do, please let me know if you survive that exercise unscathed. I dare you to do the same with a female CEO at a major company. Stare her down and tell her she is selfish because she chose her career over her family. Again, do let me know the outcome of that exchange.

In the end, I think it all comes down to whether we want to allow women the ability to make their own choices about what they do. (I was under the impression that women had gained the right to make those choices back when they finally got the vote, but it doesn't seem to be the case all the time.) We should allow ourselves as a gender to choose what is right for us. If that's having babies, I hope you enjoy every minute of the process of creating and raising human beings, who can make even more contributions to society down the road. If it's a career you want, have at it with reckless abandon and spit in the face of anyone who tells you your gender is a barrier to your success. If your goal is to be devoted to someone else, I hope you enjoy the hell out of the unique opportunity to affect positive change in your partner's life and vice versa.

In my opinion, the worth of women is their ability to contribute to society in a number of very different, but very significant ways. Where a specific woman's skills lie and how she chooses to contribute should be her own damn business.